I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
