We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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