Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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