He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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