a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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