all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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