Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
