I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
