Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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