I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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