I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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