So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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