I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
