dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
