I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
