hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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