I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
