Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
