Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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