I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
God, I missed his penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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