Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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