I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
