is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
