its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
