Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
