Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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