I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
