so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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