There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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