He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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