my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize