I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
