Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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