You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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