This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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