Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
