I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
