drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
