Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
