Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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