It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize