We're facebook friends in real life
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
