i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
