I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
