Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
