THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
