To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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