Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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