all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
