So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
