kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
