He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
