you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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