she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
