we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
