No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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