well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
