THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
