non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
