i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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