I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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