we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
