come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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