I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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