DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
