So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
