maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
