if i can run in heels then i can drive
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
