Non-Jews are for practice
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
