his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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