I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
