Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
