told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
